Martin's Monster Deck Project
Contractor: Matt MacGregor, with "help" from Martin

Here are some photos of the original crappy deck as of September 2, 2004. The original crappy deck was about 20 years old and made of redwood, stained light blue (???) and supported by stacked timbers/railroad ties. It was becoming dilapidated and dangerous. I would have replaced it sooner, but Kelley and Bayley enjoyed watching the Jehovah's Witnesses fall through it.
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September 10, 2004...demolition complete! The timbers were attached together with giant spikes and rebar and it really sucked prying them apart, so we had to cut a bunch of the spikes with Russ Carlson's brand-new, never-before-used reciprocating saw! Thank you, Russ, for being out of town.

Apologies to Gilpin County for overloading the dumpsters.

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Items found under the old deck:

  • 2 flyswatters
  • 1 shoe
  • 3 forks
  • 1 spoon
  • 1 pencil
  • 2 skis
  • 1 guitar pick
  • 2 black widow spiders
  • 2 volleyball poles
  • 1 stack of rotten shingles
  • 1 Cap'n Crunch action figure
  • 1 scythe
  • Jimmy Hoffa

Here's the stump I threw through the back window of my truck. Note: always wear stylish eye protection while throwing stumps through your truck window.
Oops...accidently nailed 2x6 to Matt's shoulder. Matt takes the opportunity to act out favorite scene from
"The Passion of the Christ".

Joe Trujillo: hole digger.
Martin Maltas: eye candy.

September 15-19, 2004...Materials delivered, concrete mixed, formed and poured. We will be using Timber Tech® decking materials and I will NEVER have to seal, stain or mess with the finished deck.
Thank you to Steve Johnson for the use of your $25 yard sale cement mixer.
Sorry to Steve Johnson for blowing the motor on your $25 yard sale cement mixer.
Note to Steve Johnson: please remove your $25 yard sale cement mixer from my property before I start charging you for storage.
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October 2, 2004...Framing near complete on main deck. Snow and rain have hampered some of our progress.
We hope to frame the lower "veranda" deck this week. The 3rd "free-standing" deck should be framed by the end of the month.
Be sure to check out the far left pic below and try to find Bayley!

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p.s. I dug the first 3-foot deep hole of my life on Wednesday. I spent Thursday in bed.

Thanks to Michael (The Drill-Meister) Young for all help attaching the header to the concrete foundation.

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As of October 10...the first part of the lower "veranda" deck is framed and square...we have the piers poured for the additional 4 feet that will extent from there.
Some decking material is laying on the upper deck but not attached.
I finally fell in a hole on October 9...glad to have that over with.
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Question: What did Jim Bowie say to Davey Crockett when he looked outside and saw 10,000 Mexicans at the Alamo?
Answer: "I didn't know we were pouring concrete today."

October 17...finds decking applied to the main deck. The lower "veranda" deck is framed and ready for decking.

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Thanks to Tom Lanear for allowing us to borrow his cement mixer.

CEMENT MIXERS: A COMPARISON

Mixer Picture #1

Mixer Picture #2

Stretch Pants

Mixer Picture #3

Mixer Picture #4

As you can plainly see in Mixer Picture #1, Tom's mixer is a well-maintained genuine Montgomery Ward Heavy Duty mixer. Many of you may be too young to remember, but years ago, the Montgomery Ward name was synonymous with quality cement mixing products as well as light blue stretch pants for your mom. In the mid-20th century, Montgomery Ward supplied these mixers to the United States government to mix all the cement for our nation's vast interstate highway network.

Mixer Pictures #3 & #4 show Steve's mixer, and it is clearly not a Montgomery Ward Heavy Duty mixer. We're guessing its a Sears & Roebuck light duty grout/guacamole mixer. Many of you may be too young to remember, but years ago, the Sears & Roebuck name was synonymous with cheesy mixers as well as light blue stretch pants for your mom.

October 31...NOTE TO SELF: Always start monster deck projects in Colorado mountains in early summer, not early fall...

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December 16, 2004...The last month and a half slowed progress a bit. We worked a few hours here and there when the sun was out and it wasn't too cold. The garage is walled in and steps are built up to the main deck. Beams for the free-standing deck over the concrete pad are ready for joists.

Matt announced his impending marriage during this time and is already walking with a noticable slump.
Following is an actual deck construction conversation from a few days ago:

Martin: "Okay, how many friggin' feet of board shall we cut?"
Mike: "Hold on you sombitch while I grab the speed square..."
Matt: "Do you guys think lavendar drapes would look good in the master bath?"
Martin: "Is this damn reciprocating saw sharp enough to cut the friggin' beam to length?"
Mike: "Holy crapola mother pus-bucket, that beam is a quarter inch high!"
Matt: "Do you guys know of a good doily shoppe?"
Martin: "Well, I melted the friggin' drill-bit on a piece of rebar again. Bastards ass!"
Mike: "Piss-brain! I heard your ho-sister melted a few drill-bits in high school..."
Matt: "I never knew building a monster deck would be so romantic."

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February 28, 2005...The 6 week deck project has stretched into its 7th month. We are working on the posts and hope to start work on some railing this week. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for not updating this page more often. I know many of you look forward to viewing our progress and plan your week around updates to this page. I lie awake at night fretting over the immense disappointment I have brought to your pathetic lives.

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May 1, 2005...DECK COMPLETE!!!

 

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